Back In The Saddle

Friday, July 22 2016.

It has been just around two months since my latest post when I shared our excitement about welcoming our youngest fur baby, Huey (we’ve taken to calling him Hugh as of late).  Since then, life has been fabulous albeit very very busy.  So I’ve decided at 11:24 on a Friday night that it’s time to get a new post out there to get back into the swing of it.  My goal with this blog has never been to gain a huge audience, although that would be great.  But I do feel that I need to be consistent with my posts.  It helps my creative flow to get my thoughts and ideas down on paper; it also grounds me and lowers my anxiety and frankly feels a lot like journaling which has always been a huge help to me.

The biggest and best thing that happened in our lives recently is that Matt and I got engaged. ❤ ❤ ❤

This photo was taken right after he proposed.  I think we both look pretty darn happy.

We have been able to make some amazing memories this summer, and I have truly never been so happy.  It’s such an exciting time and I am thrilled to start planning our big day.  However my biggest struggle has been feeling like I am treading water just a bit; not in regards to our relationship, but in my professional journey.

I am working towards getting my real estate license so I can assist my mom.  I think this is a great long term tool and option for me to have, but it also makes me feel confused about whether or not I should in fact pursue nursing.  Now that I have a wedding to plan, I feel the need to start bringing in some income.  But I also feel drawn to nursing and think that I need to follow through with it and that I really can see myself making a career out of it.

I think the reason I’m having such a hard time choosing a direction is because from November 2013 – February 2016 I really didn’t have any choices.  There was a specific protocol that I needed to follow that kept me from being able to do much else.  It was basically a full time job.  Now that I’m really pretty much back to myself physically and mentally (I’m still working on getting in shape – and that will be another post), I have the opportunity to make some choices for myself and I think I feel a little scared.

Once I survived cancer, I had the feeling that I could do anything, that I was unstoppable and completely inspired by the opportunities the world had to offer.  I still feel that way, but at the same time, now it’s time for the rubber to meet the road and I feel myself stalling out just a bit.

There are so many things that are important to me:  Faith, family & relationships, health & wellness, career & education, home & fur babies, fundraising & volunteering.  I want to do well in all aspects of my life but I find myself worrying that I’m not using my time wisely and that I’m not enabling myself to balance all of these.  Pre-leukemia I was able to do it all.  My energy is pretty much back to normal, so why am I feeling confused and ‘stuck’?

I don’t have my answers yet, but I think that I need to be more prayerful about what I’m facing and have God be a bigger part of my decision making process.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

 

Tags: Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, Adolescent Young Adult, AYA, Community, Survivorship